Clean: it’s one of those relative terms. If you compare my bedroom to the rooms of other teenage girls, you’d probably consider it pretty tidy. I suppose I’m just partial to the way things look when they’re picked up. It’s simply the fact that when my bedroom is clean, I can relax better. I can lay on my bed and write in a notebook without the task of cleaning, looming in the back of my mind.
Of course, when I get busy, my bedroom shows it through growing piles of laundry and a nightstand cluttered with notebooks. Even then, someone will walk in as I spout off one apology or another for the state of my room and I’m usually met by an exclamation something like, “You call this messy?”
My closet, however, is another matter. Whoever voiced the phrase, “Out of sight, out of mind.” really knew what they were talking about. With a door that conveniently closes, if I don’t have to look in the closet, I don’t.
When I don’t know what to do with something, it goes in my closet. If I want to keep something safe, it goes in my closet. Old journals and notebooks fill the top shelf, along with pictures, blankets, letters, ect. There’s a lot of things in there that I treasure for one reason or another.
Well, lately I’ve been thinking about cleaning it out. It’s one of those tasks that gets done about once a year. You see, until I open the door and everything falls out (it’s not nearly that bad yet), I lack the motivation to tackle this job. It’s so much easier to shut the door and pretend that everything is fine. After all, the rest of my room is pretty clean, so what’s the big deal?
Well, on a hurried Sunday morning, I’ll dig through my closet in a rush to figure out just what I’m going to wear to church. Sure, I should have mapped this all out the night before, but honestly, the thought never even crossed my mind. Suddenly, here I am, attempting to locate a skirt that’s nowhere to be found. After a few trips down to our laundry room in the basement, I’m breathless and aggravated. That aggravation only mounts as I finally discover my skirt, buried in my closet and wrinkled beyond belief. Great!
With a morning such as this, I feel completely unfocused on the morning service. Why can’t Sunday mornings be more relaxed? If this is supposed to be a day of rest, I must have messed up somewhere. Perhaps if I had taken the time to clean out my closet, I would have avoided this added stress.
My Closet: Comparable To My Heart? –
For the past two weeks, I’ve been struggling. Not with a messy closet, but with a worrisome situation. I started out this blog with two posts on the topic of worry, but I assure you, that doesn’t mean I’ve mastered this problem. I’ve learned to give so many things over to the Lord, but there’s a personal problem that I still strive to keep on my own shoulders. I’d like to focus on the parts of my life that are completely in His hands, and – like my own messy closet – hide the rest behind a door that conveniently closes. It’s a simple thing to do, until one day the whole mess comes tumbling out and I’m met with the disarray of my reluctance to let my Father handle this. The things hidden away in that “closet” are personal treasures; things that I’m afraid to lose. In my own heart, I’m fearful of handing this problem to my Savior because I know how I want it to turn out and I’m afraid He may have different plans.
It hurts to give things like that up. I know that whatever the Lord does is what’s best for me, but – when it comes to this situation – I’d be willing to take something a little less than best, just to keep things the way that I want them. Honestly though, the things I’m worried about are inevitable; I can’t change them at all. I try my best to hold on, hoping that everything will stay the same, but I’m faced with my own inability to plan my future.
You see, I may be giving every other part of my life over to the Lord, but if I’m not giving all of my life over to Him, then I’m in sin. Proverbs doesn’t say trust in the Lord with some of your heart; it doesn’t even say most of it.
“Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.” -Proverbs 3:5-6
When I’m not trusting the Lord with all of my worries, it hurts my relationship with Him. How can I speak openly to my Heavenly Father, when I’m hiding the things that trouble me most? This isn’t easy for me, though. Even as I write this, I’m struggling. I’m striving to grasp this situation and hold it safely in the shelter of my own hands. But how safe is that shelter? Even in the short history that I have, I’ve managed to jumble so many situations before. Has God ever done that? No. If I’m so concerned over this situation, doesn’t it make more sense to lay it in the able hands of my perfect Savior?
And so, I find that I have two closets to clean. Once cleaned, each will play their part in removing some stress from my life and I’ll be able to focus on serving my Lord. Honestly, I have a feeling that cleaning out my actual closet will be a bit easier than emptying my heart of the worry that is there, but either way, it’s time to get to work.